


Karen the Suit Lady AKA Wife of the CEO of the Chum Bucket

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: All Discourse Vanishes Here, Crack, Fix-It of Sorts, Flash Fic, Friendship, Gen, Goodbye Antis, HAS THIS BEEN DONE, Humor, Karen is named after Spongebob, Memes for Justice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-10 21:51:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15958238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Where Peter makes an unfortunate decision while naming his suit, MJ does a literary analysis on Spongebob Squarepants, and Ned makes revolutionary discoveries about the Avengers.





	Karen the Suit Lady AKA Wife of the CEO of the Chum Bucket

Another day, another fifth period chemistry for Peter. He walked into the class that reeked of propane and fish from the freshman biology class before him. His sense of smell made chemistry _really_ hard to enjoy, but he tried his best to make the most of high school.

 _Two and a half hours until I can start patrolling_ , he reminded himself. It wasn't an intentional thought, but he didn't need to think anymore to know how long until school ended.

He sat in his desk and heard the bell ring as the last few students filed in. His lab partner, MJ, didn't show up until thirty seconds after the bell, which anyone who has been to high school knows is the end of the world for teachers.

"Michelle, why are you late?" Peter's teacher asked.

She stopped walking to her seat, turned to the teacher, and spoke. "As the great Ke$ha once said, the party don't start 'til I walk in." She continued to her seat while the class snickered under their breaths to avoid getting called out.

Teachers stopped giving her detentions long ago, after they realized that she spends her free time there drawing people in distress, so Peter's chemistry teacher started the lesson of the day. Peter offered a high five to MJ which was returned with a playful glare. He counted it as a win and tried to pay attention.

The teacher pulled up a PowerPoint on the different types of radioactive decay, which he somehow made boring, and started going through it. Peter would've slept if it weren't for the pungent odor he was inhaling with every breath. 

He wrote down some notes and put his pencil down while the teacher went off on some weird analogy that didn't make much sense to Peter. As the desks were slanted for reasons only Christ himself knows, the pencil started rolling off. Peter's hand snapped over the edge to catch it at the last second.

"Nice reflexes, Spidey," MJ whispered.

"What?" he asked. She winked and went back to filling a notebook with elaborate doodles.

 

* * *

 

"She knows?" Ned yelled.

"Shh!" Peter said, "I don't know? Maybe? Text her about it."

The boys got together after school that day. They didn't know if MJ knew about Spider-Man, or if nickname was just a coincidence.

"What about, uh, oh! What if I say that I think you are Spider-Man and see what she says?"

"Yeah, yeah, that'll work." Peter nodded.

Ned pulled out his phone and typed the message. "I...think...Peter...is...spider...man." He sent it and the two boys waited to see what she would say.

Two minutes later, Ned heard his phone bing. He read it and turned the phone to Peter. The text read, plain and simple, "duh :P".

"Shit. What do we do?" 

"I don't know, you're the Spider-Man."

"You're the guy in the chair!" His voice cracked the way it did when he was nervous.

"Uh, well. We could, uh, invite her over?"

Peter shrugged, then nodded. "Alright. Text her."

 

* * *

 

Despite her insisting that she was very busy, she arrived at Peter's house in ten minutes. After convincing Aunt May that they were not about to have a threesome, which May seemed a little too adamant about and Peter didn't feel like analyzing what that meant, MJ was allowed in his room with the door shut.

"How did you figure it out?" Peter asked as soon as the door clicked shut.

"Figure what out?" She said with a smirk.

Ned gesticulated with his hands. "Peter—Spider-Man—you, knowing about it!" He sat on the bottom bunk.

"A magician never reveals their tricks." She crossed her arms and pulled out a desk chair to sit in.

"Uuuhhhgh. You suck," Peter joked.

"Do you want to see the suit?" Ned asked.

"Sure," she said. 

"I am _not_ putting on that spandex bodysuit right now."

Ned turned to him and put his hands together like he was praying. "Please? For your honored guests?"

"At least do a backflip or something cool."

He couldn't do a backflip without slipping on one of the piles of dirty laundry and class work assignments strewed across his room, but the ceiling looked pretty clean to him. Peter could show off a little bit with his powers, and his ego would always be smaller than Mr. Stark's.

He did a half-flip onto the ceiling without a sound. He loved doing that. He always felt like a mini Agent Romanov, the way he could sneak around silently.

"Woah," MJ said, a dramatic reaction from such a stoical person. Ned gave a quiet applause of golf claps and whisper cheers. He dropped down and gave a little bow.

Ned grabbed the suit from his backpack and heard the familiar voice of Karen speak to him. "Hello, Ned."

"Hey Karen. This is MJ, unless you already know that. Hey, can you recognize faces?"

"I can recognize criminal faces and those that have been given a name by Peter immediately. Hello, MJ. Peter has told me a lot about you."

"Oh, has he?" Peter didn't like where this was going. He didn't even remember talking about her to Karen, which scared him even more. 

"No, no no no no no. That's okay, Karen." He gave a strained laugh.

"Karen, Karen, Karen," MJ said looking at the ground. "Oh, that's why it's familiar. You named your weird suit AI after Spongebob."

Ned looked to Peter. "Dude, seriously. It's like you _want_ to die a virgin."

Peter shoved Ned playfully. "Shut up. I did not name my suit Karen because of Spongebob. I just like the name."

"So your suit just _happens_  to have the same name as Plankton's computer thing?"

"Yes! Karen isn't that uncommon of a name."

"So are you Plankton?"

"What? No—"

Ned dramatically gasped. "Have you been the villain this whole time?"

"I mean, Plankton just wants to make Krabby Patties. He doesn't want to, like, take over the ocean or anything."

"If you think about it," MJ added, "Mr. Krabs has a monopoly on the restaurant business, and Plankton is just trying to combat it the only way he knows how."

Ned gasped again. "Is Mr. Stark Mr. Krabs? Who is Spongebob? Maybe Captain America could be Spongebob. And Bucky Barnes could be Patrick. Falcon could be Squidward. Dude, this is genius! I've got to write this down."

"Why?" Peter asked.

"For the school newspaper. They will publish anything in there. It'll be hilarious," Ned said.

"No, screw that. Give me the list and I will personally get CNN to do a story on this," MJ said.

"How?" Peter asked.

"I've got connections," MJ stated.

 

* * *

 

"We've got a very important story for you all here tonight," a blonde news lady said, "All across the world, people are wondering, where is Captain America? We don't have that answer for you all here, but we do have a conspiracy theory?" Her voice raised at the end, phrasing the statement like it was a question.

The other news anchor started reading the script. "That's right folks. An anonymous tip claims to know Spider-Man personally, and that he named an artifical intelligence within his spider suit 'Karen' after the character on the hit show, 'Spongebob Squarepants'. The tipper claims this makes Spider-Man Plankton, but some wonder, who is Mr. Krabs?"

The screen switched to a simple diagram with various Avengers on the left and their corresponding characters on the right. "Some speculate that Mr. Krabs is Tony Stark, Spongebob is Steve Rogers, Patrick is Bucky Barnes, Squidward is Sam Wilson, and Loki is the plastic that is threatening marine life. Others say this isn't the full story, as many Avengers are left out of this configuration."

The screen switched back to the two news anchors. "Join the conversation by using the hashtag BikiniAvengers on Twitter."

 

* * *

 

Pretty soon, Twitter was filled with Avengers' faces photoshopped onto the bodies of Spongebob characters. It later branched out into any fictional character and some really intense discourse on which Avenger was secretly this character.

On the bright side, people stopped talking about if they sided with Iron Man or Captain America with the Sokovia Accords. Hate slowly trickled away and then disappeared, even after the meme fell out of fashion. 

The impact was so great that it was rumored that the Avengers were attempting to reunite, although nothing was ever confirmed. All that was known was about five months after the news story, Tony Stark announced that the Avengers were one team again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Imagine if all of the fandom discourse was replaced with Spongebob. What a world that would be. That's a dream right there.
> 
> Follow me on [tumblr](https://tealightful727.tumblr.com) for updates on future fics or send me a fic request.


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